Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
