he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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