Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
