i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
