I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
