Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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