Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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