I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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