Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
