So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
