My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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