I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
