Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
