I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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