My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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