you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Randomize
