We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
