Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
