God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
