so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
