He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
