Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
