tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
