I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wish my penis had a tongue
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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