Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
