He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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