Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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