hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
