In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
