Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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