i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If that was your dad, he is hot
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
