HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
