Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
