you guys were way drunker than both of me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
