Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do herpes really smell.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
