I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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