In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
