I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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