glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
