There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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