I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
