Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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