and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
