I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
