I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
