K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
