If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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