Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
