Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
