we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Two words: blizzard sex
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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