you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he was CRYING into my vagina
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
