I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
