Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
