So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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