No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
