Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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