Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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