Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
