Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
